pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She's just so happy...and so naked.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
