Ambien. No doubt about it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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