Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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