I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
