After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
