I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
