My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
