i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
