I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
