he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
