I'm drive I can fine osifer
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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