i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
