hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize