how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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