New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
