I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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