Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh god the rape fog is back!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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