some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
