I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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