Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just found puke in my bra..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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