you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize