I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
They have beer where we have blood.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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