I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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