just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
cat food counts as protein by the way
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
