Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
