that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
