so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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