I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
