She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
