imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
