I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
