I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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