He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
