I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
