I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
