The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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