My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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