Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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