could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
