my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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