I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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