Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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