No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize