My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
