I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
