just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
