If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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