ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
