I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You ruined the universe
Randomize
