all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize