I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
