can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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