you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I party with great urgency now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
