I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my shit smells like andre
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
