gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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