Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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