I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
