Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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