so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
