ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
