That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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