Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
