I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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