My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
