I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
