Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
