so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
