he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
