wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize